The Perseids

I went out to do a bed check tonight with carrots in hand.

I was hoping to catch a glimpse of the Perseid meteor showers. I wanted to see the shooting stars. To make a wish or two. I wanted to envision Parlay prancing among those heavenly bodies...

He's gone. It's been weeks and it has taken me so long to just put thoughts together to face the reality of it all. I miss him terribly. My heart aches with loss. It was the worst day of my life; the day that I had to let him go.

The past year has been so crazy--balancing meds and therapies and homeopathy...I don't begrudge a moment of it and the varying levels of success were worth each step that we took. I am glad that I was able to keep him looking and feeling as good as I could for as long as I did.

But I knew the heat and humidity of the summer was going to make it difficult to continue. I knew it was coming. I was watching Parlay so carefully--monitoring his quality of life. I could see the decline. He was fighting so hard to deny it and perhaps so was I. The Lasix was not having the same effect. The supplements were going uneaten in the pail. Everything was starting to crumble and it was happening quickly.

I knew in my heart that Parlay was not going to go quietly. He was never a quitter. Ultimately, Parlay was going to leave it to me to choose. Maybe this was the lesson that I had left to learn. The lesson of dignity? The lesson of unselfish behavior? I simply don't know, but this past July 16th, almost a year after his diagnosis, Parlay forced me to make the decision to let him go.

My heart is broken. The herd is still trying to recover from the loss of their leader. The stillness that surrounds my place resonates in my ears. I miss his nicker. I miss his order. My emptiness is tangible and it hurts deeply.

I thought that perhaps I needed my privacy. I ran away that fateful Friday. Far, far away for a few days. I needed to get away from my place and the darkness that it seemed to hold. Running away was a temporary fix for my grieving. I came home to that same emptiness and sadness and boy, it took a long time to come to grips with it all.

But I think that I am, finally. I will miss Parlay every day. He was my partner and best friend. My "mirror image," who saw my good times and my bad times. Twenty four years of a life together---the longest relationship, outside of my family, that I have ever had.

On that fateful day, I know that Parlay laid down in my love. I am sure that he met God and the rest of his friends as he took those last couple of galloping steps and breathed in that last breath... I whispered my goodbyes and told him that I would see him soon...

So, I looked to the night sky. To the stars and the meteor showers. I smile through tears and imagine the Parlay I knew so many years ago--ripping through the fields, chasing the wind. I know that I will never truly be without him. He is in my heart and I will never be alone.

I will miss you forever, my beloved Arabian, Parlay.

RD PARLAY
4/16/1984-6/16/2010